Thursday, 6 August 2009

I've been away from blogger for quite some time...




I've been away from blogger for quite some time. It's not that I haven't has much to write about; quite the opposite. I just haven't had the time or inclination to start writing again - or blogging. So, this is my attempt at a start.

Let me tell you what's been happening...

At the start of last year my much loved grandmother died. She had lung-cancer and despite smoking, I like to think she died of an age-related disease, not really the cancer itself. I'm sure I have written about her in previous entries. As I took compassionate leave from my then place of work, my employer wasn't too happy with me taking time off for a non-immediate relation. I explained that the best years of my childhood were spent with her and my grandfather, and that between them and my mum, I was brought up and raised to be a fairly secure, well-rounded individual. In short, not long after she died, I lost my job.

I was working in the prison service at a young offenders institution in Glen Parva, Leicestershire. I was a Primary Care Nurse working with young men, and generally speaking, I thoroughly enjoyed it. As with many enjoyable jobs, it's usually other staff that make work hard, not your patients. In this case, my less than supportive manager - a woman who could not even spell her own first name properly (I'm really not joking) - showed even less compassion. So, my contract was not renewed.

Then, shortly after this, Michael, my partner of almost 7 years also decided he'd had enough and left for good. I guess his reason for leaving me was good enough; "I just don't love you anymore" but what he would have said if he'd been honest was "you have no job, no money, you're depressed - what can you possibly offer me?!" That's what I though the money grabbing child wanted at that moment anyway. So, off he skipped, new beau in hand (a BBC Travel writer - nice) and moved to the bright lights of London.

That was over a year ago and in the meantime, we've tried to stay civil with one another but when he started sending me pictures of his manhood by mobile phone, enough was enough. I bloody text-war ensued; I was an "unhinged bastard who needed help" and he was a "money-grabbing whore with emotional deficits." Very immature but totally called for. We don't speak anymore...

So, the pheonix rose from the ashes and got a new job, a new housemate and a new man. I say I got a job; that wasn't without the indignity of signing-on at the job centre for three months. A horrific experience I never want to repeat. I took a job as a community rehab nurse for the city, and so far, so good. Good pay, conditions and on the whole a great team. By October, I'll have been there a year.

Not long after Michael ran off, my housemate, Dee, moved in. We worked at the prison together and it seemed a good idea. She's left that job too, but at about the same time as she moved in, I met Andrew. He's a teacher and after meeting through a mutual friend (the Internet) we have been together for a year. He moved in with me and Dee 2 months ago, and so far so good.

The two cats stayed with me. Molly is fatter, Flo is still highly-strung. So, in our little house on our little street in ugly Leicester, we've built a little family.

Dee just turned 50, I'm hitting the dreaded 30 in October and Andrew is still sickeningly younger and fitter than me. He's on his summer break at the moment, and I'm on leave. So far, it's rained. And we've done bugger all execpt walk the dogs and Andrew went to church - once.

My mother back in Wales still puts up with my psychotic father, and my youngest brother still lives at home, fuelling the lunacy. My middle-once-delinquent brother seems to be settling down a bit and shares a home with his fiancé and their two lively but lovely huskies. And my childhood dog, Lucy is still alive and incontinent, with teeth falling out on a weekly basis. I think she's 18. The cat is still the boss. She's 15.

Anyway, that's the last 12 months in a nutshell. I wasn't expecting to write so much or so miserably but catharsis is good for the soul. Next time, we'll see what happens.

I'll leave you for now with some links. I'm off to read 'the gift' by Lewis Hyde. Perhaps not. I'll read 'Ladies of Letters' instead... It's raining outside. I'm on the bed, Flo the cat is next to me, Les Dawson is on the piano downstairs. Andrew, I mean.... Bye for now.

A few links to find me elsewhere on the web:

www.fotoflickr.co.uk (still playing at photography and design)
www.twitter.com/uselessdesires
www.facebook.com/ryanjaprice

~ Blogging from my iPhone

Monday, 29 June 2009

What is love?

What is love? It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. But no one can give the proper definition of love. To some Love is friendship set on fire for others Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy, nor it boasts itself and it is never proud. It rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker. Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life. Always stand steadfast in love, not fall into it. It is like the dream of your matter of affection coming true. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love can not be measured. Look at the relationship between a mother and a child. The mother loves the child unconditionally and it can not be measured at all. A different dimension can be attained between any relationships with the magic of love. Love can be created. You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person. If this can be done easily, then you can also love easily. And remember we all have some positive aspect in us, no matter how bad our deeds maybe. And as God said �Love all�

Depending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship. The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity. But at times the very existence of love is questioned. Some say it is false and meaningless. It says that it never exist, because there has been many instances of hatred and brutality in relationships. The history of our world has witnessed many such events. There has been hatred between brothers, parents and children, sibling rivalry and spouses have failed each other. Friends have betrayed each other; the son has killed his parents for the throne, the count is endless. Even the modern generation is also facing with such dilemmas everyday. But �love� is not responsible for that. It is us, the people, who have forgotten the meaning of love and have undertaken such gruesome apathy.

In the past the study of philosophy and religion has done many speculations on the phenomenon of love. But love has always ruled, in music, poetry, paintings, sculptor and literature. Psychology has also done lot of dissection to the essence of love, just like what biology, anthropology and neuroscience has also done to it.

Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect.

Be together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other, but always be there for each others need. And surely love will blossom to strengthen your relationship with your matter of affection.

Saturday, 27 June 2009

Stormy Weather

I've spent all of today in bed, dehydrated and troubled. A heavy
feeling in my chest and the muggy feeling outside is mirrored in my
thought processes. What we need is e good storm to break the pressure...

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Angel - Annie Lennox / Eurythmics

Underneath this canopy of snow
Where fifty-seven winters
Took their toll
Where did you go?

And I believed in you
I believed in you
Like Elvis Presley
Singing psalms on a Sunday
(Where did you go?)

Well she's gone to meet her maker
Back to where she came from
Come to save her soul...
Come to save her soul...
Come to take her home
'Cause it's late and past
Your bedtime
Well past bedtime

Angel
My angel
Fly over me
Angel...

She took her life
Within her hands
She took her life
Within her own two hands
And no-one can tell her
What to do now

And I believed in you
I believed in you
Like Elvis Presley
Singin live from Las Vegas
(Where did you go?)

Well she's gone to meet
Her maker
Back to where she came from
Come to save her soul...


Tony, by Patty Griffin

Does anyone remember Tony
A quiet boy, little over weight
He had breasts like a girl
When I wasn't too busy feeling lonely
I'd stare over his shoulder
At a map of the world
He always finished all his homework
Raised his hand in homerooom 
He called the morning attendance
With the pledge alligence to the gloom
Hey Tony, what's so good about dying 
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw 
A little faggot starin back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
I hated every day of high school
It's funny, I guess you did too
Its funny how I never knew
There I was sitting right behind you
They wrote it in the local rag
Death comes to the local fag
I guess you finally stopped believing
That any hope would ever find you
Well I know that story,
I was sitting right behind you
Hey Tony, what's so good about dying 
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw 
A little faggot starin back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Hey Tony whats so good about dying, dying
Hey Tony whats so good about dying, dying
Hey Tony, what's so good about dying 
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw 
A little faggot starin back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Tony...

Patty Griffin

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Shakespeare's Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
–William Shakespeare

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

What is a Light Worker> What are Lightworkers?

Lightworker (now-n);Any being dedicated to the cultivation of inner presence and the elevation of awareness in self and other selves. This being is called a lightworker and is an evolutionary step toward a state of "LightBeing"

What's happening in the world?

There is an awakening happening all around the world. And that awakening involves you and every being that exists on our lovely home planet, mother earth. We are truly entering a renaissance of spiritual evolution, an evolutionary process that proceeds and transcends the physical. Our wisdom stems from coming to understand how little we conceptually know about life, god, the universe and everything, and embracing the fundamental truth of inherent divinity within all life.

What is a Lightworker?

Everyone is a Lightworker whether they know it at all. Just as truth is truth whether anyone knows it or not. The real question arises then, "Am I aware of who I am?" Behind all labels, behind all self created illusions of mind and ego, or social dogmas and masks, there lies the truth, the answer to that question. Just as the Sun shines bright both day and night, it is only the movement of the planet and clouds that obscure it from view. But the sun is always shining. A Lightworker is awake to this truth, aware of their true presence and living in accordance with the divine plan. All beings that exist are a channel between eternal, formless heaven and the temporary world of form and illusion, earth. Why am I here? One does not always need to consciously realize the answer to this question, but living your life purpose is achievable in every moment, right now. Sit in peaceful contemplation, in pure awareness. Allow yourself to be present in every moment and feel within the depths of your heart for your inner truth, your guidance. The work is easy and the burden is light. Your true essence of being is so vast, it is beyond any concept, any word, thought or form. A Lightworker then is any being, who is aware of their true non-dual nature, their eternal "I Am" Presence and acting in accordance with it. A Lightworker is active in enlightenment, or in cultivating enlightenment.

What is Lightworking?

Just as the sun rises each morning, to shine its light into the world, so it is with lightworking. To walk upon the face of the planet lightly, light in spirit and bearing, and shine love, happiness, tranquillity and peace into the world. To calm the inner turmoil, to just be, and be at one with who you truly are, to love and honour life as an expression of divinity, to love all that is, that power some call god, and of course to love one and other unconditionally. In being true to the divine presence within all beings, and releasing all false thought forms, all masks and illusions, is the essence of lightworking. In this lightworking emanates love, happiness, joy, faith, hope and inspiration into the inner and outer world. This not only helps to awaken the lightworker, but also to awaken others to their own natural state. What can be called enlightenment, what may be called ascension. A Lightworkers divine mission then comes to life, as one enters the flow of creation and maintains the presence of awareness without being caught up in the turmoil of the creation. This is done in the service of all. For all beings (self included), all the time.

What does a Lightworker do?

All life exists for a sacred purpose. A Lightworker, that is a being, aware of their true presence, their inner awareness and non-dual nature then becomes a vehicle for divine activation. This role is a very simple and a natural one. When the illusionary self is dissolved into the true sense of being, the I AM presence, a being begins to shine and resonate this mandala field of pure state bliss. The transition starts from Lightworker to Light Being. This activation can occur anywhere, in any situation, in all places, roles and demographics, from the mother at home to the soldier in the military, even in the depths of the darkest regions of human nature this blossoming occurs. It can be slow, or instant. It has been this way for eternity. For all the people, all the time. All for one and one for all. This is the effortless state of being, devoid of all grasping, all seeking. This is existence under a blue sky, and bright sunshine, exposing all to the life giving energies of our divine source.

What is the Light Energy?

Light Energy has many names. Some names include, the oriental Chi, Yin and Yang, the Indian Prana, and the Greek Aether. The light Energy pervades all. It encompasses all things. It is of the source, but not the source. It is the flow itself. It is the essence of all things. The primordial essence of spirit before it manifest into form. It is from where all things emanate, and all things return. It is the stuff of stars and the stuff of souls. We see it, and experience it in this material world as both form/matter and energy vibration. We experience it as thought and emotions. All these things are waves on the primordial ocean, resonating in various frequencies. All energy is frequency, and all frequency is harmony. Everything before you now is connected through frequency. The sounds you hear.. Do Re MI Fa So La Ti DO.. to the light you see.. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Magenta, Violet, RED, winding its way up through the frequencies. Even the course elements of matter are connected to this harmony H,He,Li,Be,B,C,N. Each is the same, just operating on a different frequency, at a different harmonic. All is Light.. All is Energy. And its master is divine consciousness. We are constantly, directing spirit into form, thought, actions and endeavours. The question arises. "From what level of consciousness to I create?" This will determine the results and experiences of life. Each being, operates in various levels of consciousness. Yet when creation emanates from the source itself, free from resistance and obstruction, divine will manifests. Heaven is made manifest on earth. The cards are stacked for growth and learning. We will be guided by angels or pushed by demons.

Where do I start?

Being a Lightworker is both very easy and very hard. How hard is it to be the real you? Are you prepared to let go of everything? Think of who you will be when all form and material life is gone. That is the real you. Are you prepared to forgive and release all? There is nothing you must do, it's all about what you no longer need to do. To stop hiding, to face the true awesome reality of who and what you are, free from all illusions. Are you a thinking, breathing, centered person? Do you control your ego, or does your ego control you? Do you live in a state of awareness or reaction? Where are you looking for your answers? Within or without? These are all serious questions we must contemplate and come to accept for ourselves.. To "Know Thy Self" beyond mind, beyond ego, beyond words is the first and only step.

Is there anything else I can do?

Once the flow of creation is embraced, great energy is released, life becomes the adventure it truly was meant to be. What needs to be done, will present itself in every moment. All that needs to be accomplished, resolved and understood, will be. Be present, be still within the vortex of creation, in humble awe. We are all children of the one source, we are all babes. Take time out, take it easy, awaken and reconnect within yourself at your own pace. Take nothing personaly. Meditation, practicing awareness, observing your thoughts and mind flow are all stages of re-awakening to your true enlightened nature. Allow it to happen just as a flower opens itself to the sunshine each day, so too will you blossom when the time is right. Remember, in this creative experience, this world of perpetual change and form, everything is a perfect manifestation in relation to the consciousness that is creating it. The world is a mirror. Every moment brings with it a perfect experience that is tailored by you, for you. Learn from it. For many, this can be a hard truth to face.

Are Lightworkers religious?

Lightworkers are not bound by any religion or ideology. If you are part of a religious organization then so be it. That's just perfect for you. But in this world of form, change is inevitable. Lightworkers are not a religious ideology. There is a vast difference between spirituality and religion. Many religions formed to assist the process of re-awakening in practitioners and adherents. They can all point the way, but only serve as tools and methods. The tools used to build the house, are not the house.

What about God?

There is no concept that can define God. That power some call God is the source of all. It is the over arching divine consciousness that guides and directs all life in form and non form. We know God by knowing our true selves. We do not need to consciously understand, rationalize or define God for God to be real. Like us, God Just IS. We accept there is great power in who we are, and the processes of how we each came to be. Yet each is free to formulate their own interpretation of what that power is, yet to do so may prove futile. However we can come to understand aspects of God. Like the fact that God pervades each and everyone of us, exists both within us, around us and is intricately connected to us. God works, with us and through us and for that we honor and love God through divine service and existing in a state of least resistance to God. We honor the process and honour our own role within it. To see through the illusionary nature of form and see clearly each and every beings, non dual nature. To see the God aspect in each other, and to love God.

What about Ascended Masters, Messiahs & Prophets?

Each are free to follow their inspirational hero's and teachers throughout history. And each should never fear to question, rationalize, or reason. But realize the ever changing nature of thought. Go within to the source for guidance. Believe what you will, but do so in deep consultation with the inner master. In Spiritual teachings you will surely find wisdom, in your questions you will find reason, and in your doubts, you will find learning and growth. But in awareness you will find the only perspective that truly matters.