More at this link:
Here are the photo's from one fab night
Ry x
Sunday, 25 November 2007
Friday, 23 November 2007
Long time Gone
I think I've named a post this before, but it seems appropriate, as this seems to be a recurring theme - I mean, I always seems to take weeks, sometimes months to make an entry.
So let me set the scene. It's about quarter-to-eight on Friday night. I'm sitting in my front room with the remains of a bottle of red wine (and a glass, of course) listening to Martha Wainwright while Michael deservedly lazes upstairs in the bathtub with another glass of red wine.
I worked from 7am until 1.30pm at 'you know where' and smoked about 10 fags. I'm smoking more, and for some reason, the more I smoke the more I want to give up. Also, for some strange reason I want to get stoned on an illicit substance - just for the naughtiness of it all. Anyway, that won't happen.
I got home about 2pm and tried to find an iron-monger to buy a mop and bucket to 'Milton' the kitchen floor surfaces as it was a tip. I didn't find the iron-mongers, so I got an old floor cloth and Milton'ed the kitchen floor, after doing all the surfaces and about a zillion dirty effin' dishes that have accumulated over two weeks of laziness.
Then I spend the best part of two hours until it got dark gardening. Leaf-by-leaf, I cleared my front garden of autumn debris, cleared my path, and even tidied up the street a bit. So, I've taken a small a Valium now with Ibuprofen as I've pulled a muscle in my back. But at least the kitchen is clean and the garden looks well-kept. Well, for a while anyway.
If you ever read this, you'll know that my Nan hasn't been well for sometime. She awoke one morning a few weeks ago without realising that her shoulder and humorous (the bone in the top of your arm) had broken and crumbled. So last week, she, at the age of 85 and with wide-spread cancer metastatic spread, she underwent surgery to get her bones pinned. She survived, and as she came around, she said to my Mum "I'm a tough old bird, aren't I?!" She is.
Anyway, she may never leave hospital again, and may even die there, which is a terrible sadness for me. She was born in her house, married, and lived in that same house for 85 years, 50ish of which with my father-like grand-dad.
Red Wine + Valium = Morbid. So stop already.
Work is crap. Staffing levels are so bad I've told my so-called-manager (not you 'W' love) that if things do not get any better, I'll resign on the 1st January 2008. I'm putting my safety and the safety of my colleagues and the quality of service to my patients at horrendous risk. My moods have got so much worse since I started at that place, I'm now being treated with Cipralex and Diazepam for a bloody anxiety disorder. I'm not ashamed of being mentally unstable at the moment - I see it as just another physical illness which needed treating. And so far, the treatment seems to be working well. So, and god-willing, thanks to treatment and some AMAZING mates, and a fabulous partner, I'm doing quite well at the moment. I just need to quit the fags again (for the 8th time this year I think).
So, where are we now? Well, I'm looking for other jobs with Leicester City PCT, so if any of you guys out there know of any, do let me know! I start 7 nights in a row at work on Monday Night. Sounds crap (it is) but at least I get 7 days off after. I'll use that to go and see my family for a while, including Nan.
My mate Kathryn Williams is releasing her new record soon (TBC!) but I'm hopefully getting a pre-release promo soon, so I'm really excited! I've got my own site for her as well as the linked one above. It's at www.kathryn-williams.net
Anyway, I've buggered about with this blog for too long this evening...
Goodnight little ones. Don't have nightmares... unless they are the ones in which you are an axe -wielding psychopath with a vendetta against your hateful boss.
luv me, the strange one x
So let me set the scene. It's about quarter-to-eight on Friday night. I'm sitting in my front room with the remains of a bottle of red wine (and a glass, of course) listening to Martha Wainwright while Michael deservedly lazes upstairs in the bathtub with another glass of red wine.
I worked from 7am until 1.30pm at 'you know where' and smoked about 10 fags. I'm smoking more, and for some reason, the more I smoke the more I want to give up. Also, for some strange reason I want to get stoned on an illicit substance - just for the naughtiness of it all. Anyway, that won't happen.
I got home about 2pm and tried to find an iron-monger to buy a mop and bucket to 'Milton' the kitchen floor surfaces as it was a tip. I didn't find the iron-mongers, so I got an old floor cloth and Milton'ed the kitchen floor, after doing all the surfaces and about a zillion dirty effin' dishes that have accumulated over two weeks of laziness.
Then I spend the best part of two hours until it got dark gardening. Leaf-by-leaf, I cleared my front garden of autumn debris, cleared my path, and even tidied up the street a bit. So, I've taken a small a Valium now with Ibuprofen as I've pulled a muscle in my back. But at least the kitchen is clean and the garden looks well-kept. Well, for a while anyway.
If you ever read this, you'll know that my Nan hasn't been well for sometime. She awoke one morning a few weeks ago without realising that her shoulder and humorous (the bone in the top of your arm) had broken and crumbled. So last week, she, at the age of 85 and with wide-spread cancer metastatic spread, she underwent surgery to get her bones pinned. She survived, and as she came around, she said to my Mum "I'm a tough old bird, aren't I?!" She is.
Anyway, she may never leave hospital again, and may even die there, which is a terrible sadness for me. She was born in her house, married, and lived in that same house for 85 years, 50ish of which with my father-like grand-dad.
Red Wine + Valium = Morbid. So stop already.
Work is crap. Staffing levels are so bad I've told my so-called-manager (not you 'W' love) that if things do not get any better, I'll resign on the 1st January 2008. I'm putting my safety and the safety of my colleagues and the quality of service to my patients at horrendous risk. My moods have got so much worse since I started at that place, I'm now being treated with Cipralex and Diazepam for a bloody anxiety disorder. I'm not ashamed of being mentally unstable at the moment - I see it as just another physical illness which needed treating. And so far, the treatment seems to be working well. So, and god-willing, thanks to treatment and some AMAZING mates, and a fabulous partner, I'm doing quite well at the moment. I just need to quit the fags again (for the 8th time this year I think).
So, where are we now? Well, I'm looking for other jobs with Leicester City PCT, so if any of you guys out there know of any, do let me know! I start 7 nights in a row at work on Monday Night. Sounds crap (it is) but at least I get 7 days off after. I'll use that to go and see my family for a while, including Nan.
My mate Kathryn Williams is releasing her new record soon (TBC!) but I'm hopefully getting a pre-release promo soon, so I'm really excited! I've got my own site for her as well as the linked one above. It's at www.kathryn-williams.net
Anyway, I've buggered about with this blog for too long this evening...
Goodnight little ones. Don't have nightmares... unless they are the ones in which you are an axe -wielding psychopath with a vendetta against your hateful boss.
luv me, the strange one x
Sunday, 9 September 2007
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Breaking the Habit and upping the Uppers
Today is the first day as an attempted non-smoker. I'm wearing a nicotine patch, sucking a nicotine lozenge and so far, it's all working (apart from the dizziness). Last night, I smoked myself silly, then made this jar. I want to watch it stagnate and congeal, and give me the ongoing reminder of what these fags do to my lungs. A friend sent me a text, which is already food for thought:“I was smoking 40 a day until this Christmas-stopped and haven’t missed it once! It’s not part of you, it’s just something you happen to do. You’re not giving up anything – just stopping doing something that you don’t want to do.”
Good advice.
The other thing is, as the title suggests is that (what usually brings out my creativity) I've restarted antidepressants. I saw the doctor yesterday as I've been having the odd (well-hidden) panic attack, my mood has really slipped and anxiety is taking it's ugly grip on me again. I stopped taking the pills just before we went to Stockholm, thinking that might have been the best time to do it. Well, it didn't work. I was great for a while, but noticed my mood slipping quite quickly after the holiday. I put it down to post-holiday blues. Obviously, it wasn't.
ANYWAY, now, as the cliche goes, is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm cutting out fags, alcohol and eating better. I won't go as far as exercise yet! Work keeps me fit! The future is brighter, I hope...
Flo was spayed last week, and despite her pulling out her stitches, she's coming on a treat - still a scamp, which is great! It's bloody cold here today, despite the sun belting down outside. So, they've (Molly and Flo) have been made comfy next to the radiator...
They're asleep now... think I might do the same. x
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Dove Real Beauty Campaign? - the sad, the man, and the funny!
watch these in order - the bad, the sad and the funny!
go on, leave a few comments...
go on, leave a few comments...
A reminder why this blog is called this
Why is this blog called Useless Desires? And why is the subtitle about getting tired of useless desires?
One way to find out! Click here to remember...
One way to find out! Click here to remember...
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