Sunday, 9 December 2007

15 Shopping Days til Christmas!

Merry Christmas Folks! We're putting up our Christmas Tree today! Whoohooooo!

Now playing: Lighthouse Family - Medley: Free, (I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be)/One
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Mo the Teddy

Just a random post about the story being debated on Virgin Media right now on Gillian Gibbons, the British teacher at the centre of the 'teddy bear' row in Sudan. She is to be released after receiving a full pardon. This was my comment:

"I would second what Linda from Loughton said. Even if naming a soft toy was deemed as disrespectful, the colleague should have spoken Ms. Gibbons first. How underhanded and malicious a thing to do. If anyone's integrity should be questioned, it should be the colleague who raised the issue, and on her return to the UK, I would urge the board of governors at her school to consider if this colleague has a future at this school. I do not believe this to be an issue of religion, per se, but as a ridiculous situation where religion meets politics . Never the twain should meet. Sudanese officials and its population could learn a lesson from how diverse the UK are, and how lucky we are to live in a democracy that at least tries to embrace differences in sex, sexuality, religion, ethnicity and so on. Its all just very sad. Where traditionally, we are a Christian nation, and every year at around this time of year, Children are holding the nativity and naming a plastic doll "the baby Jesus" it just goes to show how backward-thinking some other countries are. Can you see a head-mistress being imprisoned here in the UK after a cheap plastic doll was named Jesus in that nativity? I think not."

The full story and discussion board here.

Now playing:
Emiliana Torrini - Today Has Been OK
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, 6 December 2007

What a funny week...

... it all started after I finished my 7-in-a-row night shift duty. I stayed up until midday on Monday, intending to wake up at 6pm(ish) and actually woke up the next day at about 6pm, so got about 48 hours sleep! So that was Tuesday over with!

Then, yesterday me and Michael went into town and did some essential shopping, and I got my haircut. I was greatly saddened by the amount of grey hair Haley (my hairdresser) revealed on my monthly trim. I'd been letting the hair-dye grow out and when she gave me my trim it was shocking! So it's a case of going back into town maybe tomorrow to get it coloured again! I promised never to dye my hair again, but the amount of silver on my temples is WAY too much than what's respectable for a young man of my few 28 years!

Then, in the evening, Andrea (my great-mate from work) took me and Michael to IKEA for some Christmas Home-Making Therapy! Wendy (another great-mate from work) was supposed to come, and made it as far as my front room, but surprisingly changed her mind at the last minute. Oh, that's a story and a half! ANYWAY. I bought some oldy-worldy bedding, a lamp-shade and some bed cushions. Gave our bedroom an whole makeover for less than £60. 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' move over! Don't know why I'm posting a picture of my bedroom, but here's the result:

Molly seemed to take to it very quickly! Look, aw:

Well anyway... today I woke up at 5 and came downstairs to tell Michael off for waking me up so early in the morning. He laughed and told me it was actually 5PM, evening-time. I can't believe I went to bed at midnight last night and woke up and 5pm today. I'm losing days! What's wrong with me?!

... and all with an ear & throat infection, and an ever-growing addiction to nicotine. I MUST LAY OFF THE FAGS. Anyway, I start another 7 night shifts on Monday evening, so my well-laid plans of going to Wales to visit my Nana had better stick next time, as this week has proved a total disaster.

Michael has been doing lots of shopping for Christmas decorations (decs) and came home today with a 7 foot tall Pine Tree! I might do a bit tomorrow - I really want an angel for the top of the tree.

Anyway, that's it for tonight. I'm going to bed at 10pm and going to try and get into a normal sleeping regime again... I hope!
Now playing: Laura Cantrell - And Still
via FoxyTunes

Friday, 23 November 2007

Long time Gone

I think I've named a post this before, but it seems appropriate, as this seems to be a recurring theme - I mean, I always seems to take weeks, sometimes months to make an entry.

So let me set the scene. It's about quarter-to-eight on Friday night. I'm sitting in my front room with the remains of a bottle of red wine (and a glass, of course) listening to Martha Wainwright while Michael deservedly lazes upstairs in the bathtub with another glass of red wine.

I worked from 7am until 1.30pm at 'you know where' and smoked about 10 fags. I'm smoking more, and for some reason, the more I smoke the more I want to give up. Also, for some strange reason I want to get stoned on an illicit substance - just for the naughtiness of it all. Anyway, that won't happen.

I got home about 2pm and tried to find an iron-monger to buy a mop and bucket to 'Milton' the kitchen floor surfaces as it was a tip. I didn't find the iron-mongers, so I got an old floor cloth and Milton'ed the kitchen floor, after doing all the surfaces and about a zillion dirty effin' dishes that have accumulated over two weeks of laziness.

Then I spend the best part of two hours until it got dark gardening. Leaf-by-leaf, I cleared my front garden of autumn debris, cleared my path, and even tidied up the street a bit. So, I've taken a small a Valium now with Ibuprofen as I've pulled a muscle in my back. But at least the kitchen is clean and the garden looks well-kept. Well, for a while anyway.

If you ever read this, you'll know that my Nan hasn't been well for sometime. She awoke one morning a few weeks ago without realising that her shoulder and humorous (the bone in the top of your arm) had broken and crumbled. So last week, she, at the age of 85 and with wide-spread cancer metastatic spread, she underwent surgery to get her bones pinned. She survived, and as she came around, she said to my Mum "I'm a tough old bird, aren't I?!" She is.

Anyway, she may never leave hospital again, and may even die there, which is a terrible sadness for me. She was born in her house, married, and lived in that same house for 85 years, 50ish of which with my father-like grand-dad.

Red Wine + Valium = Morbid. So stop already.

Work is crap. Staffing levels are so bad I've told my so-called-manager (not you 'W' love) that if things do not get any better, I'll resign on the 1st January 2008. I'm putting my safety and the safety of my colleagues and the quality of service to my patients at horrendous risk. My moods have got so much worse since I started at that place, I'm now being treated with Cipralex and Diazepam for a bloody anxiety disorder. I'm not ashamed of being mentally unstable at the moment - I see it as just another physical illness which needed treating. And so far, the treatment seems to be working well. So, and god-willing, thanks to treatment and some AMAZING mates, and a fabulous partner, I'm doing quite well at the moment. I just need to quit the fags again (for the 8th time this year I think).

So, where are we now? Well, I'm looking for other jobs with Leicester City PCT, so if any of you guys out there know of any, do let me know! I start 7 nights in a row at work on Monday Night. Sounds crap (it is) but at least I get 7 days off after. I'll use that to go and see my family for a while, including Nan.

My mate Kathryn Williams is releasing her new record soon (TBC!) but I'm hopefully getting a pre-release promo soon, so I'm really excited! I've got my own site for her as well as the linked one above. It's at

Anyway, I've buggered about with this blog for too long this evening...

Goodnight little ones. Don't have nightmares... unless they are the ones in which you are an axe -wielding psychopath with a vendetta against your hateful boss.

luv me, the strange one x

Sunday, 9 September 2007

Amy MacDonald

Just because it's my song of the moment:

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Breaking the Habit and upping the Uppers

Today is the first day as an attempted non-smoker. I'm wearing a nicotine patch, sucking a nicotine lozenge and so far, it's all working (apart from the dizziness). Last night, I smoked myself silly, then made this jar. I want to watch it stagnate and congeal, and give me the ongoing reminder of what these fags do to my lungs. A friend sent me a text, which is already food for thought:

“I was smoking 40 a day until this Christmas-stopped and haven’t missed it once! It’s not part of you, it’s just something you happen to do. You’re not giving up anything – just stopping doing something that you don’t want to do.”

Good advice.

The other thing is, as the title suggests is that (what usually brings out my creativity) I've restarted antidepressants. I saw the doctor yesterday as I've been having the odd (well-hidden) panic attack, my mood has really slipped and anxiety is taking it's ugly grip on me again. I stopped taking the pills just before we went to Stockholm, thinking that might have been the best time to do it. Well, it didn't work. I was great for a while, but noticed my mood slipping quite quickly after the holiday. I put it down to post-holiday blues. Obviously, it wasn't.

ANYWAY, now, as the cliche goes, is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm cutting out fags, alcohol and eating better. I won't go as far as exercise yet! Work keeps me fit! The future is brighter, I hope...

Flo was spayed last week, and despite her pulling out her stitches, she's coming on a treat - still a scamp, which is great! It's bloody cold here today, despite the sun belting down outside. So, they've (Molly and Flo) have been made comfy next to the radiator...

They're asleep now... think I might do the same. x

Saturday, 1 September 2007

Dove Real Beauty Campaign? - the sad, the man, and the funny!

watch these in order - the bad, the sad and the funny!

go on, leave a few comments...

A reminder why this blog is called this

Why is this blog called Useless Desires? And why is the subtitle about getting tired of useless desires?

One way to find out! Click here to remember...

Dark Road... Take 2. A Short Film

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Dark Road... I know I didn't get here by myself.

Annie Lennox is phenomenal and her pending single breathtakingly beautiful. I've just finished a very busy, stressful shift in my job as a Nurse. This song has certainly put me in my place. Here's the video, with the lyrics underneath:

It's a dark road
And a dark way that leads to my house
And the word says
That you're never gonna find me there, oh no
I've got an open door
It didn't get there by itself
It didn't get there by itself...

There's a feelin'
But you're not feelin' it at all
There's a meaning
But you're not listening any more
I look at that open road
I'm gonna walk there by myself...

And if you catch me I might try to run away
You know I can't be there too long
And if you let me I might try to make you stay
Seems you never realise a good thing till it's gone...

Maybe I'm still searchin' but I don't know what it means
All the fires of destruction are still burnin' in my dreams
There's no water that can wash away this longin' to come clean...
Hey yea yea...

I can't find the joy within in my soul
It's just sadness takin' hold
I wanna come in from the cold
And make myself renewed again
It takes strength to live this way
The same old madness everyday
I wanna kick these blues away
I wanna learn to live again

Hey hey hey

It's a dark road
And a dark way that leads to my house
And the word says
That you're never gonna find me there oh no
I've got an open door
It didn't get there by itself... ooh
It didn't get there by itself

... goodnight, Ryan x

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

A New Website Coming Soon

I'm currently working on a new Kathryn Williams sister-site. Click the banner below to give me a hand and for a sneak preview!

kw & neil are really supportive of the new sister-site, yet to be named, so there should be some great content on there soon!

There's also a banner for kathryn's main site. If you use other forums or blogs, use this code on phpbb type boards and help us promote THE best of british independant singer-songwriters.

Here's the code to paste into your phpbb or similar forum board signature:


... and this is what the code looks like, and how it works when clicked:

Now, that's IT!

Flo has been Snipped, Jabbed, Stabbed and god knows what else....

Flo the cat has just got back from the vets, so this is my last post for today. She's been spayed. She's pulling at her stitches. She's got a cone-collar. She can get it off. She's a menace!!! So, I'm off to do a constant observation on Little Flo til Michael comes home.

Oh, today, we graveled the little front garden in green Monmouth slate. Looks ok too... those of you would know me and us in the 'real world' are long overdue a visit. It can get lonely over here, y'know!

Ry x

How to Save a Life

On Sunday 26th, a lovely young lad from the place I work tried to hang himself. I say tried, but for a moment he almost succeeded, and made a determined effort to end his own life. He stopped breathing (respiratory arrest) and was unconscious. Due to the fast actions of the officers, and the amazing expertise of one of my colleagues (I love you W) plus a little help from me, and support from a few others, we saved this young mans life.

A few days later, he was discharged from hospital, and threw his arms around W, as it was only by her voice that he could remember her. A truly emotional, heart-wrenching experience from start to finish, but it gives me so much comfort, even though I'm still very numb, knowing that once in a while, we make a difference.

The irony is the video, above. When I got in, the first sound I heard was that song, through no choosing. I cried, and smiled, and laughed at the way the hand of fate dealt a blessing for us all....

August Update

Again, it's been such a long time since my last update on here. It's a bit like my diary really - I only write in it usually for only two reasons; if I have the time and only if I have something to write about. This time, I have a little time, and a little news.

Rewind to to beginning of August. I had the pleasure of joining Michael, one of his brothers and his two sisters on a week in Stockholm, Sweden.

It was a great week, and Fern (in the middle) experienced her first flight! We flew BA to Arlanda, which was nice and easy. We stayed on the island of Skeppsholmen, part of the Stockholm Archipelago. We ate well, visited lots of great places, and most of the time (!) got on really well, and are already planning the next trip. Usually, it's just Michael and I doing our-twice yearly jaunt in Sweden (summer and winter) so it was nice to be able to take some other people with us who could experience the beauty of Scandinavia with new eyes. They say a picture tells a thousand words (I think?!) so instead of banging on about what happened in Sweden, here are the links to the best bits in photo-form (be warned, there's about 100+ pics):

Album 1 Album 2 Album 3 Album 4 Album 5

Andway, that's Stockholm over and done with. Now, it feels like we were never away, as it often does. I think I'll wrap this post up now, for reasons you'll read about later....

Byeeeeeeee x

Saturday, 16 June 2007

Welsh Boy Goes Welsh

Although it hasn't been that long since my last entry, a few exciting (?) things have happened. To start off with, I finally start my new permanent job on Monday! Whoohoo! Finally... I thought I would be really anxious about it, but I'm feeling quite cool about it really; a little aprehensive at most, and a bit excited! Paul & Kirstyn (Michael's siblings) are on their way over, so I'd better make this quick...

Last week, as the photo shows, Michael and I went to Wales for a few days. The main purpose of the trip was to see my mum, and this time more importantly, my Nan. She's only just got home from hospital after complications from the first visit. She contracted MRSA. Then a chest infection, then a stomach bug and they finally made her go into shock by adminstering a drug error. So on top of the lung cancer, she has been quite unwell. Anyway, she's home finally, and I spend some of Sunday with her. She seems ok, better than expected, but still frail. Hopefully, I'll be back next month for another visit.

While we were there, we went to Tenby and West Wales - Photos here. The best thing was my accident. Forgetting that I wasn't 12 anymore, we had a go on a tree swing. It held out well, considering. Michael had a great go:

The only thing is, me and my fat belly proved too much for it, and shortly afterwards, the rope snapped and I end up crashing to the ground, some 10 feet below! Damaged my neck, got stung by nettles to hell and back and cut my arm, but hey, I'm alive.

Anyway, I need to go and find something (how do you loose a scanner?!?)


Thursday, 31 May 2007

End of May Update.

I hate bleeping GP receptionists. I went to register our micro-family at the doctors a few minutes ago, and she (madam hitler) practically told me to sod off and come back tomorrow. Anyway...

My good friend kathryn williams is about to start recording her already-written new record. She'll be off to the sticks with neill mccoll next week, so expect great things. You know you can always email on for more info. Speaking of which, despite a grand total of 3 entries, the competition closes tonight at midnight. Hurry!

Molly had a funny experience the other night, in that michael locked her out all night without realising. She's never been left out before, and we only realised what had happened the morning after, when we couldn't find her. Michael looked outside, and apparently (because I was still in bed) she was sitting on the wall waiting to come back in! Poor Molly... she must love us if she came back!

My grandmother is still in hospital, she had two episodes of toxic shock syndrome so she's really been unwell; lung cancer, pneumonia, and now this. Hopefully, (and I do hope) that she'll be well enough to come home. After 5 weeks in hospital, she only started walking again yesterday. In her honour, I'm about to start a cook-book writing project, traditional home cooking - the welsh way! If anybody knows any great traditional welsh recipes, I'd love to see them - email them to me now! In bookshops January 2008. Yeah, right...

Michael is at work, whereas I haven't worked for weeks, nor will I for weeks. I got the job I wanted, and the salary, but my start date isn't until the 18th June. I can't wait! Then, I'll only be in work for about six weeks (I think) before we all leave for Sweden for a few weeks. That's if Kirstyn et al has applied for passports, etc. Mmmm. Are you reading this kkk?

To finish off, I've just heard the news that my mate Fern has failed her driving test. Sorry Fern, better luck next time! But then again, is it any wonder?! See what I mean:

And so, another month over... if I have more news, I'll share it, although its not very likely...

Thursday, 10 May 2007


Hello! It's almost 11pm here, its raining and I've spent the last half an hour in the garden (yes, in the pouring rain) digging up weeds, removing cat shit pulling up a ravaged shrub (sodding greenfly) and propping up wilting orange flowers. My sweet-peas are coming up a treat, and even the odd sunflower dares to shoot. And that's just the front garden! I'm 27 going on 70. I'm soaking wet (did I mention its raining?), dirty, muddy and I stink of god knows what. And do you know what...? I'm happy!

Almost got the start date at my new job, but no surprises - when asked to prove my previous income, which I did two weeks ago, the establishment lost them. Why am I not surprised. I guess the thing about getting old is that you still need the anti-d's, the odd Valium (I wish) but you seem to develop a wise-head on ageing shoulders. I mean, life can still be crap, but nothing surprises you anymore. The lines keep appearing under the eyes, the temples grey, yet there's still a scared, 16 year-old boy inside, hiding and hoping not to be found out.

Uh oh... almost lost it there.

Michael is upstairs talking to his Mum. I've barley spoken to him today. He went to work, came home, cooked dinner, had a bath and rang his mum. No me time tonight! But then, I'm being selfish. He has an interview tomorrow, which he has already got. The job, that is. He won't admit it; in fact he'd have you believe that he's a failure. I know he's good, he just doesn't keep the faith in himself. If he stumbles anywhere, it will not because of his ability, but because of his lack of self-confidence. We'll see what tomorrow brings (he's coming...!)

Tomorrow evening, my good friend David is coming over to help me install Vista on this Dell PC. So maybe I'll write a new entry tomorrow night from a lovely new operating system.

My grandmother has been transferred away from hospital, and is now in a more local district hospital nearer to home. Hopefully she'll be hope next week...

Otherwise, little all else to report! Apart from the ramblings of a mad man who's been watching too much "One Foot in the Grave."


Monday, 30 April 2007


At last, I seem to have a start date for my new job. All I need now is to have my salary confirmed. Mmmm. Anyway, it was my first day back after a two week break, which was to see my Grandmother. On Friday, she was admitted to hospital, this time with pneumonia. The radiotherapy seemed to have worked, and she has stopped coughing up blood. Next week, after 6 straight shifts, I'll be returning to visit Nan in Wales. Until then... work, rest, work, rest... and little else! ATB for now... Oh, you can find me on Facebook now, by searching for me by name. Tata!

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

an old low light photo collection

Molly on the wall...More new photos in two collections:
old low light
old low light #2

Sunday, 15 April 2007

some new photos

I've posted some new photo's here, if you're interested. I've also got a facebook profile. Register for free, and just search for me using my name.

Had a tummy bug this weekend, so did Michael, so been lazing around most of the time, usually in the foetal position on the sofa! Did some gardening today, some laundry some housework, and Michael did a delicious roast chicken for dinner. Discovered a cool new singer called Frida Öhrn, who sings in a swedish band called 'Laura.' Check out the song called 'Release Me'... it's great. She reminds a bit of Anna Ternheim, another swedish songstress. Kaths forum is getting very quiet, despite the hard work we've been doing. There's a competition too :(

My nan starts radiotherapy tomorrow, and all being well I'll be home next week when I have about 4 days off.

It's michaels 24th birthday on Friday...

Monday, 9 April 2007

The Easter Report

Well, that was Easter. All over for another year, but thankfully this year I did more than gorge my chubby face on sickly chocolate. This year, I spent Easter Sunday with Michael and his family in Kegworth, eating gorgeous home-made pie and delicious home-made cheesecake. Almost heaven... Michaels Dad, Geoff tried to get me tipsy on G&T (STRONG!) and we played what seemed like 6 hours worth of Trivial Pursuit. I hate trivial pursuit. We also played pictionary, which I USED to like, until all hell broke loose and I was accused of cheating. It was Kirstyn.

I haven't got much planned for the week ahead, except three shifts at work. Hopefully more will come along, as we really need the money right now. In a few weeks, our friend beth is coming to stay again, which will be great.

My grandmother and her recent diagnosis seem to be going ok, all things considered. She's sounding upbeat and more accepting of her future now. Next week, she will hopefully start palliative radiotherapy, which could signal the end of her coughing up blood, one of the most unpleasant symptoms she has so far. I hope to go and visit her again soon, probably in a week or two.

neil and kathryn remain continually great; Kath really kindly sent me a promo-only copy of her previous relations album, and a copy of her latest venture, Words from the Garden. I've had a sneak-peak of the forthcoming video of 'when', the next single due for release off 'Leave to Remain' on Caw Records. Take a look at the latest here. Anyway, the video is brilliant - fans of kw; you're in for a treat! Here's a sneaky screen-shot from the shoot:

There really isn't much more to report for now. I've spent the day doing laundry and housework, so now I think I'll make a cuppa and put my feet up!

If you would like to email, that would be great, but posting a comment below would be even better!

Ry Xx

Sunday, 25 March 2007

Fears Realised

On Friday the 23rd March, 2007, my mother telephoned me to say that my Nan has been diagnosed with lung cancer, with multiple secondary tumors.

Obviously, I felt numb, shocked, saddened and all the other things one expects. However, I have enough support around me, and enough clinical experience to tell me that this isn't necessarily a death sentence. We have been given an opportunity, a chance. The chance to say our goodbyes properly. The opportunity to plan and make arrangements and moreover, the blessing of being allowed to say the things we want to but have always held back. Things like how spending weekends and summers with my grandparents were among the very best days of my life. Times such as car journeys to the coast and digging up the garden. Memories of strawberry picking and baking in the kitchen with Nan. Just telling about how much love was shared between us, and how better my life has been enriched because of them... The much loved second-parents, commonly known as grandparents. She's not gone yet, so we'll have some fun, some whiskey and some cake... and probably a happy tear along the way. I love you Nan, and Gramp - I've never forgotten you. I love you; you were the father I always needed...

Goodbye for now, more soon no doubt... x

August 2008 Update to this entry: An Ending.... Read in this order:

Homeward Bound
Yesterday, The Day of the Funeral
Some old photos dug out, and fresh hells.

I'll write a reflection on this very soon, but not today...

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

This Precious Burden

It's been quite sometime since I last made an entry here. Life has been good lately, and busy. But life has also been difficult.

It's been over a month since I last wrote , and in that time so much has happened - too much for me to write in one sitting, so I'll write what I can now and maybe come back later.

The main thing resting heavy in my shoulders is that of my grandmother, and her health. She has always been a stout, strong woman in mind and body, and with a kind heart. Last week I found out from my mother that she has been coughing up blood for a number of weeks, maybe months, and didn't tell a soul. During a routine chest x-ray, the radiographer found a shadow over one of her lung lobes. So, after a meeting with her consultants, she is being investigated for lung cancer. My mother sat in through the consultation, where another secret came to light.

Sometime ago, my grandmother broke her hip after falling from her bed at night. She lay on the floor for around 18 hours, soaked in urine and seconds from dying. The window cleaner was up his ladder doing what window cleaners do best - and whistled. My grandmother screamed and banged for help, but all she got in return was the happy whistling as he went about his work. Unheard, several hours passed. My mother and brother came over to my grandmother to bring some tea over. When they couldn't get an answer, they let themselves in with the 'in case of emergency' key. My brother raced upstairs and just as quickly ran back down again crying "she's dead..." My mother went upstairs to find my grandmother kneeling on the floor, slumped over the bed... barely breathing, but alive. In short, she survived her surgery and despite a slow recovery came back to a good level of health. During her recovery, all she wanted to do was smoke, but one day, for no apparent reason, she stopped and never smoked again, saying that 'something' shocked her into giving up.

Now, fast forward again to my grandmothers recent investigation into lung cancer. It turned out that the thing that shocked her into giving up smoking was that during her hospital stay for the hip fracture, was that she was diagnosed with serious heart condition. She kept this hidden until last week, so all in all, my grandmother isn't nearly as well as I thought. So, it's a waiting game now. She is booked in for a bronchoscopy biopsy, a CT and more bloods. Only time will tell... but think of me, my family, and my grandmother.

Moving on to lighter things, we've booked a week in Sweden over august holiday, flying with British Airways for a change. This time it will be a bit more special - we're going with all but one of Michael's brothers and sisters. Kirstyn, Fern and Paul will be spending the holiday with us, but Bevan is staying at home with his partner, looking after his new-born baby Leo (left). It'll be a special time for me, as it's our third visit to Stockholm, and was also the first place Michael and I went on holiday together, so you could say I fell in love with the place. There really is something quite magical about living around water. Very special. We'll be also staying at the same place we did on our first visit, in a beautiful little place called Skeppsholmen, opposite the old battle ship, the af chapman.

In other news, I have managed to pass my interview with the local PCT, and the board have recommended me for a permanent position with them. Great news, which also means I can say goodbye and farewell to being an agency nurse with the BNA. Which also means that we can at last get a mortgage and buy our sanctuary.

Speaking of homes, I forgot to mention that the move went incredibly well, with few exceptions. We're perfectly settled in our lovely 1888 house on a closed, cobbled street. We've got stuck into gardening, home-making and entertaining. We've even started taking bookings for the spare room!

The other news I have is that despite LOVING this new job, I'm off sick with viral labyrinthitis, nausea, vomiting and the 'd' word. Yuk. Not to mention passing out in work last night, but thats another embarrassing story!

Life is good, I'm almost happy again but every now and again, the moods get the better of me and I feel like a neurotic case all over again. I'm working on living, enjoying life and just being happy, but sometimes things just don't come that easy... but then that's life, and probably why this blog is called what it's called.

So for now, it's goodbye from me. Maybe next time...
Ryan x

Friday, 9 February 2007

The Friday Report

I think its been a week since my last entry here, and for good reason.

On Monday, I started work through the BNA as Primary Care Nurse at a local Prison for young offenders. I am loving every moment! Probably for the first time in years (or ever) I'm in a job which challenges me, excites me and makes me feel passionate about some difference I might make. People must think I'm mad! With very few exceptions, the healthcare staff are a brilliant, friendly team, and the officers are great on the whole. The better news is that I have applied for a permanent position there, and better still I received the letter today to tell me that I have been short-listed!!! My interview is in a few weeks, so wish me luck. If ever there was a dream job for me, this is it, and on so many levels.

To make this point in my life all the more exciting is that a week today, we move to our new house in the city centre. I think I'm in love all over again! The house is beautiful, sweet and quaint. Built in 1888, I'm sure its seen a bit of history, so maybe I'll get Derek Acorah (AKA Most Haunted alleged-medium) to make a visit. If for nothing else, for the comedy factor!

Right now, I'm listening to the original 'war of the worlds' radio play - the one I used to listen to time and time again when I was a kid, hiding under the covers with my tape play scaring myself witless!!! Good times....

Anyway, its back to bubble-wrap, brown-tape and breakables for now...

Ryan x

Monday, 29 January 2007

On the move at last...?

Well, things seem to be working out for now. We got the go ahead on the new house, and aim to move on the 16th Feb, little more than two weeks away. Yippee!

I did a morning at the Prison this morning in preparation for my new job there. At the moment its not permanent, but I am hoping and praying that it will turn out to be. I'm also working on some dormant anxiety which decided to rear it's ugly head last night... any suggestions?! To quote my favourite singer and my new friend, 'I'm sinking down... with the traffic of madmen and maniacs.' I'm sure things will get better soon.

Which leads nicely on the the link for my myspace at madmenandmaniacs.

Ryan ;)

Friday, 19 January 2007

The Move?

Well, we've put in the application which has been provisionally accepted - just waiting for a few more references to come in and we could well be moving in two weeks! How about that then!!

More news next week.

Thursday, 18 January 2007

Change of Address?

It could be an exciting time again for us again, potentially.

Yesterday afternoon, we went to view a house in the city centre, right next to the railway station - a period Victorian end terrace. Well, we were delighted with it, and the location is brilliant - a 2 minute walk to the railway station. Yet, in a very quiet cul-de-sac location on a private street with no traffic on the quarry-stone road. Perfect.

So, we will visit the agent this afternoon and get the ball rolling!

More later....

Monday, 8 January 2007

The Weekend Report

What report? The did-sod-all report more like! Kirstyn (Michael's lovely sister) came to stay on Friday night - we ate pizza, watched the taped Christmas specials of the Vicar of Dibley (LMAO!) and lounged.

On Saturday we went into the city and I bought some new specs - one ordinary day-to-day pair, and a pair of sunnies for the summer. Shame is, my ultra-trendy glasses HURT like hell, so I needed to take them back today to get them changed. So now I have a lightweight pair of Hugo Boss (no, not actually his) specs which make me look like a teacher, but at least they're comfy!

Had a roast pork dinner yesterday, and left-overs today, after IKEA and Leicester shops.

There - as I said, NO NEWS! Molly is fat still. If anyone reading this has a weight loss plan for cats, I'd really appreciate it...

I might have some exciting news for you next time.

Ryan x

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Thursday, 4 January 2007

My Grandparents

This is a picture of my Grandmother Betty and George, my grandfather. It was taken in Brynmawr, South Wales around 1950. It was a bit battered, so I restored it! My grandfather at the time had probably not long returned from Africa with the Royal Engineers where he served as a desert rat. My grandmother had probably just returned from London, where she worked for the Home Office.
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Wednesday, 3 January 2007

Michael's Slideshow

Visit Michael's myspace page for the full story!

Random Thoughts

What a funny time new year can be.

We had great time on new years eve. Michael's family (all except Bevan & co.) came for a little party. The thing is, apart from having a great time, Flo provided the entertainment. The poor thing managed to get a red carrier bag tangled around her neck. She went berserk! Running around faster than anything I've seen - like wonder woman! I think she was scared. I cornered her in a bedroom, and pulled it off, and she was fine again! It had everybody in stitches!

I say Bevan & Co. couldn't come because they were spending time with their new born baby - who entered the world a little late on the 28th December! He's is the sweetest baby! If you go back to my myspace profile, there's a picture of Paul (Bevans brother) holding little Leo Frederick! aw.....

Can't think of much else to say for now, so I'll sign off and wish you ATB! Here's a random picture of Michael and some handsome guy in Finland (on a big boat!). :)

Ryan x

Monday, 1 January 2007

Ryan's myspace Profile

Just to let you know that I now have a myspace profile. It's at

Also, make sure you check out the Kathryn Williams Official Forums. I'm an administrator there, so I would really welcome you, as would the rest of our growing, friendly community. My website has also been updated (

Ryan x

Happy New Year 2007!

Happy new year folks. I'm sorry for the lack of updates lately. It's been a busy time around Christmas, and I've spend the last two weeks in Wales with my family.

Since my last entry, I have lost my job as a Nurse at Timken Steel. This was due to the planned closure, but I lost my position sooner than anticipated. Not a great thing to happen before Christmas, and we're now in a new year and I'm unemployed. I have a lot to be thankful for, so I'm not too sad! The better news is that I start work at a large HM YOI (a young offenders prison) any time soon. I'm just waiting for security clearance. I'm looking forward to it!

A cliché I know, but it’s been a funny old year. I ended up embroiled in an ugly battle with my former employer. If I’ve not told the story before, I was bullied by business manager. I’ll not bore you with the details now, but I found out the other week that she has been disposed of! It’s only a shame that I couldn’t see it for myself, but she was asked to leave through a rather elaborate arrangement of consultation - in other words, everybody needed to apply for their jobs again, and the only person who didn’t get it was her! Ah well, all history now, but this year has been dominated by that woman.

The upshot of this was a blessing. I still have friends (I’m pleased to say) in high places. When I told a former colleague about my departure from that company, she told me about how she learned about an occupational health nurse vacancy that had come up at one of the local factories recently – The Timken Steel Corp. Within the week, I’d met the manager there, and started work the following week!

Unfortunately, as my luck with jobs seems to prove, last week I lost this job! The factory was to close, and 400 redundancies needed to be made, so again, I found myself in hot water. The same friend and colleague who found me the job came through again and told me about a position at the local prison. So, that’s my plan.

With any luck, I’m hoping the new year will bring me a new house, with a garden, some job security and some new friends. Whatever you wish for and dream of for the new year, I really hope it come true for you…