Wednesday, 20 December 2006

wee picture gallery!

Visit Ryan's myspace profile @
Visit Michaels myspace profile @

I'm off to Wales in 12 hours!

Ryan x

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Merry Christmas!
That is all...

Ryan x
( Admin)

Tuesday, 21 November 2006

Tuesday Blue... again!

Michael and I had an amazing time last night at DeMontfort Hall with Chris, Hazel, Charlotte and Keiran when we went to see Kathryn Williams support the Be Good Tanyas on the UK leg of the tour. I even managed to get some guestlist tickets thanks to the generousity of Neil, Kathryns manager (and in true rock-style, her husband!). The tickets had some aftershow passes attached too, but unfortunately, we didn't take advantage of these, as we needed to dash off. Besides, I was too shy!! A great night, and maybe a little too much alcohol consumed by me. Oh I like that Makers Mark! So, maybe that's why I'm feel a bit depressed today. And maybe that's why my head hurts this morning! and why I slept late, and....

I'm going against everything I believe in and planning my Christmas. Working at this factory as a nurse does have the advantage of having the old fashioned seasonal shutdowns, which means the factory shuts for a whole week starting the 22nd Dec. I think I may even take the week prior to the 22nd off - another perk of being a self-employed nurse. I hate the commercialism associated with Christmas: Beth (our friend) used to say Christmas was evil... I'm starting to understand what she means! God bless us all, every one...

I set up an enterprise sometime ago - a graphic design company, albeit a bit of a cottage industry. Business has been so disappointing it's untrue. All because I can't afford advertising. So far, I've only taken on one client in six months, redesigned the entire website 3 times and still very little. For once, being a nurse is a worthwhile profession!

I'm booking a weekend break next weekend, so maybe that'll be fun! In the meantime, we'd better get some cat sitters!!

I'm doing this (very bad) from work, so I'd better close this entry for now... x

Saturday, 18 November 2006

Another Working of the Album Concept

Sorry folks, these images have been removed due to copyright restrictions. Please email me if you would like to find out more on

Friday, 17 November 2006

A Sneaky Preview

A few people have been asking me what I'm spending my time on lately. They seem to get more interested when I mention that I'm working on a possible album design for a Kathryn Williams collection of music. So, I've given in to the requests... here's a very small, very sneaky preview of what's coming... feedback please (leave comment)!

REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT RESTRICTIONS! Please email me on for more information

Thursday, 16 November 2006

Red Currant Jelly

I bought some redcurrants the other day. They've been sitting there in the kitchen for about three days now, and I had no idea what to do with them. They looked good enough to eat but when it came to the eating, my eye's nearly popped out of their sockets - soooo bitter!

So, today, I made a small quantity of Red Currant Jelly, ready for Sunday Lunch. Here's my method/recipe:


2lb (900g Sugar)
and the same weight in red currants


Put your currants in a pan, bring slowly to the boil and stir, pressing the redcurrants to break down the fruit and release the juice. As soon as the fruit is cooked (about 10 minutes), add the sugar, stir until absolutely dissolved, then bring the mixture up to a rapid boil, and boil for 8 minutes. When the 8 minutes are up, tip the whole lot into a sieve and let it drip through into a bowl. If you don't mind not having a completely clear jelly, you can press to extract as much as possible. Then pour the jelly into the jars, which have been washed, dried and heated in a moderate oven for 5 minutes, cover with waxed discs and seal while still hot. Leave to stand.

Monday, 13 November 2006

A MondayfeelslikeSunday Reflection.

Not a hectic weekend today. Went into town, bought some food etc. Had roast chicken for lunch. Thought about cleaning up the flat... pfah! It'll wait!

The CD cover on the left is a design I'm working on for a Kathryn Williams CD, an unofficial release. Its' about done - we just need the sleeve notes etc, and the finalised track listing. All this is going on as a result of this.

Hopefully, my design company (Flomo Creative Design) will get some business some day soon...

Feedback would be good x

Thursday, 9 November 2006

A Distorted View of Beauty #2

Last night I posted a video from the Dove Real Beauty Campaign. I love this, and the video has made an important message become more effective. Even I 'touch up' the odd photo of myself, because maybe I don't want that odd wrinkle here or that odd spot there.

I just wanted to make the point that not only do girls have issues with their self-esteem, but us chaps do too. Most won't admit it, but I will - I stuggle with my physical appearance all the time, and sometimes I even think that the way I look is a direct reflection on who I am, when of course, it isn't. I guess its another one of my useless desires - to be more attractive, and therefore more popular and therefore a better person and so on and so on... Stuff and nonesense.

I wondered when Dove, or someone similar are going to set up a workshop for men/boys. But then it occured to me... would any men actually turn up and admit they have self-esteem issues? perhaps not. We're notorious for not seeing doctors, ignoring lumps, ignoring advice etc. Why should this be any different.

Anyway, I need to leave for work. If you haven't seen this video, take a look below...

Wednesday, 8 November 2006

A Distorted View of Beauty

I have my own, troubled feelings on this, which I'll post later. But for now, take a look...

Monday, 6 November 2006

We Shall Go To The Ball

Looks like fate smiles down on me again!

I tried to book online for the Leicester date, and they we sold out!! So I telephoned them and they put me on standby in case they have any cancellations... they rang 5 minutes ago to say I can get 4 seats towards the front of the arena! So, we shall go to the ball - watch out Kathryn, I might be a bit excited!

The thing is, I'll have to sit through the Be Good Tanyas after kathryn Williams finishes the opening!

Grab Our RSS Feed

Hi again! I just wanted to say that this blog uses RSS technology, which means that you can get any updates that happen here on this blog delivered free to your RSS reader. To use this, just click our RSS icon, then click subscribe... Simple as that. If you want to find out more about RSS, visit this site. Bye for now...

Sunday, 5 November 2006

One More Video

This time, it's time for the only other video of Kathryn Williams on YouTube. "Shop Window" is from her last album, "Over Fly Over." There are more videos on her official website. You can go directly to the videos by clicking here. Not only are there music videos, but also interviews, so stop by! Anyway, here's "Shop Window"...

Ryan x

Saturday, 4 November 2006

Kathryn Williams "Hollow" Single

Ok, so I've posted Kathryn's latest tour dates with the "Be Good Tanyas", so as promised here is the vid for "Hollow", the single from Leave to Remain. You can buy this album here, or download it here... in the meantime, enjoy the video...

Ryan x

Kathryn Williams to Support the "Be Good Tanyas"


After Kathryn's UK Tour finishes tonight (aw) you can still catch her as she supports the Be Good Tanyas on the UK leg of their tour. Some of the new dates are selling out already! Here are the dates:

14 Nov 2006
Milton Keynes UK
Kathryn Williams opening

15 Nov 2006

Basingstoke UK
Kathryn Williams opening

16 Nov 2006
Royal Albert Hall
London UK
Kathryn Williams opening

17 Nov 2006
Grand Opera House
York UK
Kathryn Williams opening

18 Nov 2006
Usher Hall
Edinburgh UK
Kathryn Williams opening

20 Nov 2006
De Montfort Hall
Leicester UK
Kathryn Williams opening

22 Nov 2006
Colston Hall
Bristol UK
Kathryn Williams opening

23 Nov 2006
Gateshead UK
Kathryn Williams opening

24 Nov 2006
Manchester UK
Kathryn Williams opening

25 Nov 2006
Warwick Arts Centre
Coventry UK
Kathryn Williams opening

There's more information on their website:
You can also book tickets from the links on this page.

I'll be at the Leicester gig!!

Ryan x Razz

Video; Kathryn Williams "This Woman's Work"

I was going to publish Kathryns single from her current album 'Leave to Remain' but I stumbled across this and fell in love again... I adore the Kate Bush original, but this is so very beautiful... If you enjoy this, stop by the Kathryn Williams Official Forums and tell Kathryn...

to the uselessdesires website to find out more...

And not a donut in sight

This first picture is Michael, one quarter of the the Useless Desires crew! This was taken at a pub called the Badgers Sett, in a villiage called Cropston, just outside Leicester. Taken last Sunday, after a couple of hours rambling at Bradgate Park with Kirstyn, Michael and Barney the dog!

Kirstyn wouldn't let me take a picture of her, but she took a nice one of me and Michael!

Second floor living without a yard

My last post was about changes to my site. This is a little verse from Mushaboom...

"But in the meantime we've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay"

EXACTLY how we are right now... Ryan x

A totally not Useless, Useless Desires Site Update

Just to let you know that my website has been updated:

New Artist Area editions: Tobias Froberg and Feist
Kathryn Williams updates
New site redesign
Live Web Chat now added
Enhanced, better, and improved!!
Also, links added to the Official Kathryn Williams forum (I'm the moderator!)

I discovered Tobias in Leicester! He's from Sweden but is currently supporting Kathryn on her national tour. Excellent stuff... Feist is quite new to me, but her album called 'Let it Die' has been out since 2004. It's really good music - a bit mellow, and a bit non-punchy, but for a relax, she's good. You might know the "Mushaboom" song. Which is very sweet.

If not, here are the lyrics - see if you can place the song!

Helping the kids out of their coats
Oh wait the babies haven't been born oh
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups oh

But in the meantime we've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road,
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house oh
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh

How many acres, how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map

Old dirt road,
mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow,
mushaboom, mushaboom)
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Old dirt road rambling rose
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
well earned soul...

Me and Managers aint Gin and Tonic

What is it with me and managers? As you might know, I'm working at a factory as an occupational health department nurse. I say 'department' because technically I do not possess the official qualification to practice as an occupational health nurse. Just a very experienced nurse! I've got an OHCert. But that’s it for the moment. Anyway, back to the point...

Where I work, I have always had a reasonably good relationship with my good, but technically power-tripping boss. He's a decent chap, and to a degree, I respect him (even though I am 100 times more qualified than him - but if I said that, it would make me an arrogant twit). Apart from him as a colleague, I actually like him, which it odd. This occupational health department is so archaic it’s unreal. More like first aid in the dark ages (if you a nurse or doctor, or anything vaguely to do with healthcare, you’d understand). Anyway, this person just doesn’t do things the way they should be done sometimes, and it drives me stir crazy. I think my downfall came when I told him so! We’re now in the middle of quite a silly argument, which frankly I’m already tired of, so I’ll shut up!

The reason I mentioned this, is because the last job I had ended up with me on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills because of work-place bullying from my manager. My coping strategies haven’t improved too much, I have now learned. The anxiety and sickness I felt on reading his torrent of irrational ‘points’ came flooding back and feel like a child again. Despite being ‘well’ again after the last job, I worry that history maybe repeating itself again. But then, it’s all still fresh in my head from his last communication this morning, so perhaps I’m over-reacting.

This is Flo on the chair and Molly on the floor, taken today, wondering why I'm looking tense!

And so, to my next post….

Thursday, 2 November 2006

It's sooooooo cold....

Todays post - better be a good one I guess. Well, it won't! I'm starting work at 12 today, til 10pm, and 12 hours tomorrow. This flat is bloody freezing, and my fingers are white. I need to iron my uniform, take a shower, feed the cat (Flo, not Molly) eat something and then run! Told you it wouldn't be exciting!! Last night it was soooo cold I was sitting in my office at work in 2 coats - the outer one being one of those gross yellow high-visability things. Talk about clashing with my skin!! Hope it's warmer today - it dropped to -3' last night brrrrrrr...
Bye for now...

Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Well, I'm back to work today. How exciting. I've been a little ill lately, so its actually been nice being at home and lounging around for a change, and getting to grips with this lovely new computer. With any luck, I'll be able to post some decent photos on here soon, as I've got some ready to upload.

This is me (duh) again, taken in Helsinki last year.

I'm getting more and more disheartened with my other website though. is my other site, and is meant to be a graphic design consultancy. Take a look if you like. I have a support network of 6 people, and yet still no business. The costs of advertising is too high, and without clients I can't afford it. Yet, without advertising, it's unlikely that I'll get a single client! I did have a bit of encouraging news yesterday though, but I'll keep it to myself until it's definate!

Weather outside is brilliantly sunny, but bitterly cold, so I'm going to sign off now and get ready for work. I'll be working as an occupational health nurse until March 07, which is when they close the factory down for good, meaning 400 people will loose their jobs. After that, who knows. I'll probably get a job at kwik save or something, the state nursing and the NHS is in at the moment. Very upsetting...

Anyway, hot coffee awaits.... x

Tuesday, 31 October 2006

Oh Shit. Not only am I hitting a midlife crisis and 27, I'm also a lesbian:

Google Search Result

Well, that is NOT MEEEeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm feeling very old

I suppose the fist thing I would like to write here is that I feel very old now. I turned 27 last week, on the 22nd. That's 3 years to the big Three 'O' ('O' shit. I'm 30). That's me, on the left looking a right prat. That was taken last year in Estonia, after a great time exploring Finland, Sweden (yet again) and Tallin, Estonia. This was taken high up at the back of the Old Town (Gamla Stan), on a wall overlookintg the entire city. I think for a little place, you could get pretty much anything up there, including Russian Passports - cheap as chips. Illegally peddelled too!

Anyway, back to my age. I think I'm going to start going backwards agian - like Granny. No, I'm not saying Granny is senile (much) but I mean that I'll start counting my age backwards. So, my next birthday will be my 26th. Can't wait....! I guess the desire to be younger is, as the title of this blog suggests, is useless. Pfah.

Right now, I'm sitting in my spare room looking out onto a brick jungle of new housing. Horrible. No green fields, no trees nothing. At least my cats keep me company, and Michael will be home later. Leicester is a hole sometimes, but sometimes it's ok. Dwali has just started, so the town is buzzing, and the lights are lovely.

Still, I miss Wales - my homeland. And I miss my family.... That's not a useless desire...

Anyway, enough of my rant. I think I'll leave it at this now. I think my next post will either be on Patty Griffin or Kathryn Williams.

So, ta ta for now.... x

Why Useless Desires?

Hellooo! Well, what a novelty... I'm a blogger. I have been called worse things, so blogger will do for now.

I guess the first thing to do is say "welcome..." to my blog, called I'm Getting Tired of Useless Desires. If you want to find out why this blog is called this, you already know if you came via my webiste.

If not, take a look - it's quite good, honest!

Some thoughts behind the theme...
Useless Desires is a song by Patty Griffin...

"I can't spend another ten years wishing you would anyway"

"Useless Desires hums along at a lively little pace, allowing Patty to do what she does best: perfectly sum up humanity in her quirky and earthy lyrics. In this song, she is finally able to let go of a relationship that the other person abandoned long ago. Goodbye to all the window panes shining in the sun. Like diamonds on a winter day, goodbye goodbye to everyone. Set to a fiddle, tambourine and acoustic guitar, Patty acknowledges her goodbyes to all the things around her, finally admitting that 'Even I’m getting tired of useless desires.' The song ends with a sense of satisfaction at having been able to put the past behind her..." (R.Price)

Useless Desires is also about saying goodbye to old places, people and certainly saying farewell to certain situations. We all need to move on sometimes, and I have certainly done that.

And, I have my own story why Useless Desires meant so much to me when I first heard it. Here is it:

“Even I’m getting tired of useless desires”

"Say goodbye to the old street that never cared much for you anyway. And the different colored doorways you thought would let you in one day. Goodbye to the old bus stop frozen and waiting; The weekend addition has this town over-rated.
You walk across the baseball green, the grass has turned to straw. A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are, Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend I can’t make you stay. I can’t spend another ten years wishing you would anyway. How the sky turns to fire, Against the telephone wire,
And even I’m getting tired of useless desires"

A while ago at work I was playing “Useless Desires” by Patty Griffin on the CD player, and I turned to my colleague and told her that Patty makes me happy. She asked who Patty was and I shook my head at her sad little
music life. “Useless Desires” is one of my favorite songs on “Impossible Dream” but it wasn’t till after she went home early that I played the song on my mp3 player (in the toilet!) that it made me cry. Why did it make me cry? Because I really let the words hit me, though I knew them well, it was the first effect they had.

"Everday I take a bitter pill, it gets me on my way"

Almost everyone has their days when dealing with stuff. So its nice to know I’m not alone in the whole in that scene. But it really gets old, which makes me frustrated at myself. I don’t blame anyone at this point for my loneliness, I sit and wonder what I have done wrong and what I can change. But then I throw my hands up at it all because its just a cycle of things I find hard to brake. Is it really me who thinks the new car smell has 'worn off' of me being around? Sure it has, I understand being busy, but that gets old too. I have no problem fitting someone in to my 'not-so-busy life' to have coffee with two weeks from now. I do like days where I don’t know what I’m doing till the last second, I need those days time to time. But mostly, I like having things planned and knowing what’s going to happen before it actually does. Some days I really don’t even think about how lonely I actually am. I was doing well for a while until my birthday came and went, and I felt like the avalanche of all I worked to dig myself out of came down again. I gave Michael hell on that grim day last year. I’ll admit, I wasn’t completely honest about my birthday. I held back what I was truly feeling. When the question was raised in my own mind of “Where is everyone else?” I fought tears that had been with me days before at the thought wondering the same thing.

"For the little aches and pains, the ones I have from day to day"

I was hurt because I feel like if I just packed up and moved again that no one would really care. I went through my “hermit time” when I just went to work and came home and made excuse why not to call up a friend to see if they wanted to do anything. After that effecting the relationships that are active in my life, I realised I needed to do something for the sake of those and for myself. But more so for their sake than mine, so I told myself has hard as it was and much as it might hurt to not hear back, I'd make the attempt to have relationships here. I don’t like doing things alone. I had friends who I used to call just to do our errands with each other (Carmel, Jessica, Simon, Stan... all of you). Its always nice to have the company to do things with. When shopping I usually always need a second opinion. But, since my time at home, I have learned to do a lot of things by myself. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that I do things alone most of the time. But still the haunting feeling of just wanting some friends to call my own near me comes around again.

"To help me think a little less about the things I miss, to help me not to wonder how I ended up like this"

I know I can't think about the 'what if's' about moving back home. Its really hard to at times like these. No one wanted me to leave Wales, even my father. I saw the tears in my mothers eyes when she moved me into halls at uni; even my brother cried. I would be starting over in Uni, making new friends, and I'd be closer to my closest friends and now my partner. When I was at home, I was actually happy. I think Wales just does that to me because it was one of the greater experiences in my life. I learned a lot and loved a lot and there was nothing ever quite like it anywhere else I've lived. Home is 'home' after all.

I guess I’m just echoing Patty’s words over and over again in my heart. Is it really worth it to have this desire of friendship here, in Lonely Leicester?

I’m getting tired of this useless desire.

Then again... I broke free and started over, like most of us do. I found love, I have a nice home and a few good friends. The only thing that keeps me unhappy is money, or the lack of it. But thats material, not spirit.

And so the journey continues...