YOU MAY BE A NURSE IF... You believe that every patient needs TLC: Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse call-buzzer system night in a dark alley. You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious. You know the phone number of every late night delivery place by heart. When asked by the doctor what colour the patient's diarrhoea was, you show
them your shoes. If they missed your shoes, you use the well known "poo curry colour scale" ranging from chicken Korma to Spinach Vindaloo. You can identify the different causes of diarrhoea by the smell. Your sense of humour gets more warped every year. The kids get their presents in TED stockings, and NHS pillowcases. Anybody's
presents are usually wrapped with Micropore or Transpore tape. Almost anything can seem funny? eventually. Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the scissors, keys and clamps in your pockets. You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know. You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from work is trying to call and beg you to work. You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throw up. You don't get concerned about blood unless it's your own. You notice that you are using more 4-letter words than you did before you started nursing. Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you. Most of them have laxative drug names written on them. You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the real thing or it
triggers flashbacks, or; Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty
because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and everything, and
pointing out mistakes like upside down x-rays. You have seriously considered catheterising yourself before a clubbing
night, or your children before a long car journey. You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your colleague and to scream if they need help. Eating microwave popcorn or crisps out of a clean bedpan/sick bowl is
perfectly normal. Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank. You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the shopping centre for fear that
they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off. You hate to get dressed in "real clothes" because scrubs are what you live
in, and why can't they make jeans that comfortable. You find yourself checking other peoples veins in the supermarket When checking a patients orientation, YOU don't know if its night or day,
or what day/year/month it is. You often stay awake for 24+ hours at a time when you work nights and
realise that you don't need drugs or alcohol to hallucinate; just lack of
sleep. You pull over in a lay-by after nights because you are too tired to drive
home. You only wake up when someone is banging on your window because they
think you've had a stroke when the see the trail of dribble sliding down
the window Your finger has gone places you never thought possible. You have seen more penises than any prostitute has. ***
Anymore? Add your own and pass them back to me! Ryan x
them your shoes. If they missed your shoes, you use the well known "poo curry colour scale" ranging from chicken Korma to Spinach Vindaloo. You can identify the different causes of diarrhoea by the smell. Your sense of humour gets more warped every year. The kids get their presents in TED stockings, and NHS pillowcases. Anybody's
presents are usually wrapped with Micropore or Transpore tape. Almost anything can seem funny? eventually. Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the scissors, keys and clamps in your pockets. You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know. You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from work is trying to call and beg you to work. You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throw up. You don't get concerned about blood unless it's your own. You notice that you are using more 4-letter words than you did before you started nursing. Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you. Most of them have laxative drug names written on them. You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the real thing or it
triggers flashbacks, or; Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty
because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and everything, and
pointing out mistakes like upside down x-rays. You have seriously considered catheterising yourself before a clubbing
night, or your children before a long car journey. You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your colleague and to scream if they need help. Eating microwave popcorn or crisps out of a clean bedpan/sick bowl is
perfectly normal. Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank. You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the shopping centre for fear that
they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off. You hate to get dressed in "real clothes" because scrubs are what you live
in, and why can't they make jeans that comfortable. You find yourself checking other peoples veins in the supermarket When checking a patients orientation, YOU don't know if its night or day,
or what day/year/month it is. You often stay awake for 24+ hours at a time when you work nights and
realise that you don't need drugs or alcohol to hallucinate; just lack of
sleep. You pull over in a lay-by after nights because you are too tired to drive
home. You only wake up when someone is banging on your window because they
think you've had a stroke when the see the trail of dribble sliding down
the window Your finger has gone places you never thought possible. You have seen more penises than any prostitute has. ***
Anymore? Add your own and pass them back to me! Ryan x
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